I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
