mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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