she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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