The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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