I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
