just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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