...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
