hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
