We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you never un-have a 4some
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