Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
