I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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