a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
