i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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