Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
