this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This house was built for laser tag.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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