Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
