today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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