You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
