and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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