my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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