No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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