remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?