Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
whose ass print is on the piano?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
