I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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