It's Friday. Sex?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
