you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
