Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
