dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
