I just cut my nipple shaving
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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