getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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