Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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