So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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