i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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