If i could tip my vagina, i would.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
