Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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