just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
