The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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