So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
