sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
