dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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