Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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