She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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