dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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