do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
