Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
