yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will pee on everything he values.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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