I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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