No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
