Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im holly from the hills drunk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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