I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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