Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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