but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
