Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
