who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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