Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
