you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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