fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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