OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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