My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
