just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
