Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
