i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
