youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
