they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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