Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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