We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
