True but thats because hes a fetus.
Soap is not a condiment
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
