my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
