His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
