I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
