How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
