u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
