using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
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The police scanner is talking about you again....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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