This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
