I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
