96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
