I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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